Jessi Mess

Month

February 2012

7 posts

Fuck Me Harder

I’ll never understand why there is an unavoidable attachment of guilt when it comes to women and sex. There’s only two states for a woman post-coitus: Euphoria and Guilt. Sometimes intertwined, sometimes estranged, but their presence is inevitable. The guilt always follows directly behind an instinctual hormonal high that swells from the groin through the entire body, demanding full attention as if it were a pegasus in a field of mice. Euphoria. Short lived, but certain. I wonder if it’s possible for a woman to separate the two. The female brain is a terrifying and exuberant place.

And I’m not talking about married sex. I’m not talking about the same sex you’ve had for four years with your reliable beau in missionary that last three minutes and forty-six seconds. I’m not talking about polite sex. I’m talking about dirty, nasty, “Fuck me harder,” “Pull my hair,” against a bathroom wall kind of sex. Mysterious sex. The kind of sex you can replay over and over in your head while you’re masturbating alone in your room at 3:00 am on a Wednesday night. That kind of sex. It’s always guilty sex.

I was raised by two insane and sexually open parents who traumatized me at a very young age resulting in my development into this wild and sexually confident woman. Every woman deserves the confidence it takes to have guilt-free, “Fuck me harder” sex. But sometimes it seems as a people and as a gender we are cursed. We’re doomed to welcome with open arms feelings of guilt and regret and to allow them to parade through our bodies, attacking the pleasure we deserve.

Having sex with a woman is an art, and it all begins in the brain.

Feb 21, 20124 notes
#sex #women #fuck #san francisco
I want your cat. Take it how you will.

I already know you mean this in two ways, but I’m only prepared to let you have it in one. I let you figure out which one.

Feb 18, 2012
Feb 17, 2012
#2
Feb 17, 20121 note
#cat
Being a Cat Lady

So, just a little background to help you understand the millions of cat pictures you will inevitably see by visiting my tumblr, I am a self-proclaimed cat lady. I just can’t help it.

I have two gray tabbies named Jeffry Dahmer and Theodore Bundy. Jeff and Ted for short. Yes, I think it’s hilarious that my cats are named after serial killers. No, I’m not crazy. Well, mostly.

I’m not just a cat lady. I have the biggest thing for pit bulls. They are the greatest dogs in the world. I have two brindle pits that live with my mom in East Oakland because she wouldn’t let me take either one when I moved out, and let’s face it, trying to find a place in San Francisco that allows pits is like trying to find a trace of drug-free urine in Lindsay Lohan’s body. Damn near impossible. Thus, I got a cat. And then another. And I’ve moved nine times in the last three years, but the one thing that stays consistant is my cats.

Feb 16, 20121 note
#cat #cat lady #san francisco
Feb 16, 2012
Old Man Crackie

Alright, it’s been a while, but I’m baaaack.

Let’s talk about Valentine’s Day. I’m single as fuck, so I spent the entire night at work dealing with the crackheads on Fisherman’s Wharf like I was the usher at a crackhead convention. Seriously, what is it about me that draws the crackheads in? And I’m not talking strange men who don’t shower often. I’m talking missing teeth, pock marks on the face, twitching, dirty clothes, I-suck-dick-in-the-Tenderloin-for-money crackheads.

They fucking love me. 

There’s one little guy I call “Old Man Crackie” who frequents my job. And of course he was there tonight. He’s about five feet tall, maybe 45 years old, and he wears the same dirty purple windbreaker everyday. Definitely homeless. Maybe. I think. You never know in San Francisco. I see him power walking down Van Ness all of the time on my way to work like he’s competing with the elderly in and AIDS walk. His path makes sense, though. He probably spends his days getting drugs in the TL, and then, when night falls, he heads to the Wharf to twitch out and beg tourist to buy him food. He wears the worst pair of glasses I have ever seen. I doubt they help his vision any. The look like he broke a pair of eye glasses in the center and on the sides, taped the center together with three rolls of Scotch Tape he stole from a dollar store on Market Street, then replaced the sides that hinge onto the ear with stringy red wire that fastens into a cluster fuck of a knot behind his head. They are always crooked. 

I also had the pleasure of seeing him the previous night when I was lucky enough for him to strike up conversation with me. My store was empty, so he walked up to the counter and insisted I see his new sweater that “the church gave [him]”. But, in order for me to see this sweater he had to unzip his funky purple windbreaker (which was a task in itself) only to expose the white t-shirt displaying two drawn bondage characters in ass-less chaps resembling the gayest of the Village People. Where the fuck did he get that shirt? The church give that to him, too? I almost walked away, but he again called for my attention to his new sweater, which, of course, was underneath the bondage tee. It was a black hoodie with a 70s porn-like font spelling out “Sigma Kappa”. I started laughing, “Sweet sweater. Is that the name of the sorority you’re in?” 

He didn’t get the irony.

Feb 15, 20121 note
#San Francisco #Crackhead #Tenderloin
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